BeeLee Knievil Snake River Monopolies Jump postponed

America’s favorite all purpose meme, BeeLee Knievel (thanks Dick), was originally planning to jump two of the largest monopolies in history on Monday.

Both monopolies, after a long track record of suppressing freedom and, well just being evil, somehow managed to find the time to help public health officials sabotage, through suppression of information to elected representatives of all stripes, the pandemic which killed many Americans. In a historic first, the monopolies, both with illegal Section 2 monopolies, probably engaged in what would be considered Section 1 Sherman Act violations, if economists could agree on a theory of economic harm for why an agreement on what content is permitted in the universe, is a bad thing. In characteristic Death Star fashion, the latest disclosures of a Section One scheme to destroy humanity, was first preempted by a Kardashian tweet and then, on Friday, all human recollection seems to have been erased from Google servers.

These monopolies, while crushing the soul of humanity and destroying the Constitution–tough work for any Orwellian Behemoths–somehow found time to also exacerbate a pandemic, “memory hole” life saving medications, and prevent Americans from using the public square or global search to save lives.

In any event, to get off their naughty list, and to pay tribute to the new Masters of the Universe that have total dominion over humanity, BeeLee Knievel had planned to jump both on his 1972 Harley Davidson. BeeLee was taking warm-up laps prior to his big moment when Doug, from his pit crew, “eyeballed” the ramp, put down his beer, and exclaimed “that just don’t look right!”

Knievel, said something that no one could hear, possibly because of the state mandated Corona19 protective gear he was wearing (Section 317(a)(i)2 motorcycle protective gear for stunt jumping, not including acrobatic jumps less than 50 feet (Section 319 et seq.) and not including motorcycle use with animals or using props (Section 307 et seq)) , Meanwhile Mark yelled out: “I told you I saw Rick tap it with the forklift!” A fiery debate ensued with much eyeballing of the ramp–Mark even took out his air thumb like he was lining up a tee shot–in any event, BeeLee’s crack team finally decided that Doug and Rick would tap the ramp a few times with the F250 on the other side of the ramp this time.

In true exemplary pit crew form, the technical difficulties have been ironed out as “jump day” approaches. Known for sticking his landings, BeeLee Knievel, is a technical perfectionist and is widely renowned for his extensive and deep knowledge of motorcycle jumping and little else. The jump is planned for 9 am on Friday weather permitting.